This is something I am currently dealing with. And yes, it is a real thing: The Impostor Syndrome: Are You Fooling Everyone?
I debated writing this post but then read Becca's post "Reading those articles…" and decided to go for it. While her post doesn't have a ton in common with this one, it struck a nerve. I will admit, I have read a good majority of the articles, picking and choosing the ones that look interesting to me, but then I literally blank out when it comes to writing a blog post about them (as you can probably tell by the lack of posting I have done over the last couple of weeks).
I also read my classmates blogs on a pretty regular basis and respond in comments and in my own blog posts - when I think I can add something to the conversation. Most of the time it is fear that is stopping me.
Fear that:
What if it is obvious I don't know what I am talking about?
What if my classmates think I am an idiot?
What if I blow my cover as a real graduate student?
What if I let my professors down?
What if I let myself down?
What if I do/have done all this for nothing?
In terms of this Metadata course, I am following along as best I can but there are still a lot of concepts that are over my head (um, microformats?). I think it will take a re-read of a lot of the articles and book chapters as well as some hands on experience (I'm looking at you football images!) before I am comfortable enough to say that "I know metadata" and to stop "pretending" like I do.
I debated writing this post but then read Becca's post "Reading those articles…" and decided to go for it. While her post doesn't have a ton in common with this one, it struck a nerve. I will admit, I have read a good majority of the articles, picking and choosing the ones that look interesting to me, but then I literally blank out when it comes to writing a blog post about them (as you can probably tell by the lack of posting I have done over the last couple of weeks).
I also read my classmates blogs on a pretty regular basis and respond in comments and in my own blog posts - when I think I can add something to the conversation. Most of the time it is fear that is stopping me.
Fear that:
What if it is obvious I don't know what I am talking about?
What if my classmates think I am an idiot?
What if I blow my cover as a real graduate student?
What if I let my professors down?
What if I let myself down?
What if I do/have done all this for nothing?
In terms of this Metadata course, I am following along as best I can but there are still a lot of concepts that are over my head (um, microformats?). I think it will take a re-read of a lot of the articles and book chapters as well as some hands on experience (I'm looking at you football images!) before I am comfortable enough to say that "I know metadata" and to stop "pretending" like I do.
I feel uncomfortable with the blogging too--I mean have opinions! but I'm shy about the public, written nature of this format. But regardless of what experiences we bring to the class, we all bring something to share and we're all here to learn. Metadata as a field is so huge, I'm not even worried about trying to acquire expertise in more than some small portions of it, but I think there will be a lot of value in having some background knowledge so I can understand more when I listen to conversations, presentations, etc. from the people who do work with metadata every day.
ReplyDeleteI've seen a lot of librarians try to deal with impostor syndrome. It becomes especially salient in institutions where librarians have academic or even professor status, where they have to work with other faculty who happen to call themselves "Dr." This becomes even more heightened in today's changing library world, where both older AND younger librarians seem to have something up on you. It is, indeed, a feeling that hangs on in the face of supposedly rational fact.
ReplyDeleteMy only advice, if any were available from me, would be to embrace it vs. other alternatives. To feel like a "real" librarian would probably mean that you are feeling that others aren't AS real! We don't want to be like that. Or, while it would be great to feel comfortable, we wouldn't want to be so comfortable as to automatically shut down anything that threatens it. In the end, it is a feeling, a thought residing in the mind, and if we face it and greet it as it's there, we can let it live with the other thoughts that are currently more helpful in getting through the day. And that's said as someone who has to greet a lot of thoughts that run into my head without warning or welcome.
The blog is part of your personal "learning" network ... you're in my learning network ... we're all learning :-)
ReplyDeleteI say that seriously (that we're all learning) because this topic (metadata) is a fast moving one at the moment (thank you NSA!!). So the only way to really develop a capability to learn is to jump into the pool .. I'm trying to make that pool as shallow as possible :-)
oh, and I forgot to mention ... amongst all of the variety of metadatas that are out there, we librarians specialize in descriptive metadata. Therefore, the indexing project caps the semester to show you that you can not only index images expertly and effectively, but that you can also participate in the indexing guidelines *writing* process. Both of these class exercises (indexing image and index guidelines writing) are examples of learning by doing ... and you can proudly search for a metadata job with that experience under your belt!!
DeleteThis post hit home and i have responded in my blog: https://metadata4breakfast.wordpress.com/2015/04/02/imposter-syndrome-a-response/
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this, too. One big problem I have is that I rarely think of anything new or (as far as I'm concerned) interesting to add to the discussion, so I just don't. I like reading the posts other people write, but when I go to write one I think "Nobody cares." And then I adjust that to "They care, but only because it's such a big part of the grade." Which then leads back to the "interesting" thing - if you have to read it, it might as well be worth reading...but...
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. It's also a relief to know that I'm not the only one with this blogging anxiety thing.
Was this the article that first link was supposed to direct to? http://gradschool.about.com/od/survivinggraduateschool/a/impostor.htm I got an error when I clicked it earlier.
I'm with ya, Katie. Especially on the 'what can I add to the conversation that hasn't already been said'. I'm a listener - in life and online. Sharing my opinions and putting myself out there are still scary for me! Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteI'll go ahead another "great post" to the list. but really this is important to realize for all of us. I agonized a few posts back about stating an opinion (I can't even remember what it was now) simply because it feels like stating anything as a truth on the internet is similar to painting a target on your back waiting for someone to shut you down. Which is really intimidating. It is nice to have a group of people who are all in the same boat though, and I for one think you're doing great.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel weird about writing the blog posts, that doesn't bother me. I feel a little odd when I comment on someone's post and I think to myself "what the flip are they talking about" and I just ask because (for me personally) I'd rather sound a little daft than go around pretending to understand. That makes my brain hurt. Also, I don't think any of you are cyberbullies or will turn into evil trolls, so I feel more comfortable posting and commenting. I've also started (and I did this a lot before but didn't start posting) find other articles/posts about some concepts we are talking about. I also learn better by hands on experience, with reading/discussion a close second.
ReplyDelete